How to Break the Habit of Doing Things That Don’t Work
Written by Lisa Infante - Founder of Courage to Change Collective
We don't repeat patterns because they help us - we repeat them because, on some level, they protect us.
Let’s cut to it: you already know the habit isn’t helping. You overcommit. You scroll instead of starting. You put everyone else first. You procrastinate until the pressure forces you to act.
And still… you do it again.
But here’s the part most people miss:
You’re not doing it because you’re broken.
You’re doing it because it’s benefiting you - just not in the way you think.
The Sneaky Payoff of Self-Sabotage
Every unhelpful behaviour has a hidden benefit. A subconscious payoff that, on some level, makes it feel safer to stay stuck than to change.
People-pleasing helps you avoid conflict
Overworking makes you feel productive (even if you’re running on empty)
Procrastinating protects you from failure
Doubting yourself means you don’t have to risk being seen
So while your conscious brain says, “This is exhausting, I want to change” - your unconscious brain says, “But we’re safe here.”
That’s the internal tug-of-war that keeps you repeating the cycle.
Naming the Hidden Benefit
Ask yourself:
What is this behaviour protecting me from?
What would feel risky if I stopped doing this?
What need is this meeting in an unhelpful way?
Once you name it, you can work with your nervous system instead of against it.
Stack Habits That Serve You
Don’t try to break the habit - replace it.
Habit stacking = linking a new, supportive habit to an existing behaviour or trigger.
Instead of doom-scrolling when you’re overwhelmed, try this: “When I feel overloaded, I take 2 minutes to write down what I can control today.” (Hint: don’t just say it, do it)
It’s not about being perfect. It’s about building automatic go-to responses that move you forward.
Block Your Time
If you feel like you’re spinning all day, chances are your brain is stuck in reactive mode.
Time blocking helps create safety through structure:
Block time for deep work
Block time for admin (so it doesn’t bleed into everything)
Block time for rest that’s not just collapsing at the end of the day
Your nervous system craves rhythm. Time blocking gives it one.
Eat the Frog
Yes, the old-school principle still works.
Do the hardest, highest-impact thing first. It cuts through the mental clutter and builds momentum.
If you’ve been avoiding one big thing? That’s your frog. Start there.
Much love and be unapologetically you!
xx Lisa
FAQs
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Because your brain doesn’t change based on logic - it changes based on what feels safe. The old pattern is familiar. The new one feels vulnerable.
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Start here:
What’s the worst thing that could happen if I stopped doing this?
What fear comes up when I think about changing this?
There’s usually a fear of judgement, failure, rejection, or losing control.
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Because you’re probably relying on motivation instead of structure.
Change sticks when your environment and habits are set up to support it. -
Pick one pattern.
One small rewire.
One 10-minute habit.
You don’t need to fix everything. You just need to start where it counts.
